GORDON CHEESE

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PREFACE: It's not really a skit, but where else am I supposed to stick this?

>band rehearsal starts

NOW WE ALL LOVE GRILLED CHEESE

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THIS GRILLED CHEESE

>holds up two blocks of cheese that have never been used for grilled cheese before

BEAUTIFUL

>taps knife on board

THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE

>puts knife away and taps different knife

BIG LONG SLICES

>cuts off the rind

LITERALLY CUT OFF

>exasperated breath

... THE RIND

>cuts cheese further

NICE LONG LUSCIOUS BRICKS OF CHEESE

MAKE SURE THE BREAD IS NOT TOO THIN

>cuts half the loaf off

BIT OF BUTTAH

>butters

SALT

>salts bread

>layers cheese on bread

TAILOR MAKE IT

>cuts cheese again

NOW THE SECRET IS...

>pulls out bowl of already made kimchi out of nowhere

HOMEMADE KIMCHI

>starts dumping it all over

BREATHTAKING

>camera pans to a fire

TOUCH OF OLIVE OIL

>dumps oil in pan

>mumbles beautiful

NOW PUSH THAT DOWN

>smashes grilled cheese down in pan

ON IN SHE GOES

PUT SOME WEIGHT ON THERE

>buttered bread sticks to spatula

>struggles to get it off

>clinks the spatula against the cast iron as punishment

GOOD

>smoke shooting out of pan

TURN IT OVER

>cheese hasnt melted

PUSH THAT DOWN

>squeezes grilled cheese down with rag

NICE AND CRISPY

>puts it back in

>takes it out

PUSH IT DOWN

>desperate to make cheese melt

HELPS CHEESE NICE AND MELTED

>puts pan back in

>elevates the flavor

>takes pan out

THAT BEAUTIFUL... GRILLED CHEESE

>burnt bread

>cheese still hasn't melted

BEAUTIFUL

>back in the kitchen

THE CHEESE HAS MELTED

>cheese can't be seen on screen

>taps knife against board

AND THIS...

>tries to cut the sandwich

CRISPY

>struggles to cut through the sandwich

>involves both his hands

>reveals cross section

BEAUTIFUL

>cheese hasn't melted at all

OH MY GOODNESS ME

>taps knife again

>slices grilled cheese halves into further halves desperate to find some evidence of melted cheese

OH MY GOD

>blows

>visibly struggles to take a bite

>chews

>shakes his head with contempt

OH MY GOD THAT IS INCREDIBLE

>struggles on another bite

WOW

SO GOOD

>ramsay buys a house in tasmania

>guitar solo

END SCENE