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PREFACE: My first attempt at "fan fic". Can you tell I was still sore over Sticker Star?

*Ahem*. Today... We'll be reading the story of Mario. No, not the bland nature hike he called an "adventure" as he searched around for Stickers. This is the story of a book, and the secrets inside that book. You see, dear viewer, this book contained ancient... Well actually, I'm not quite sure what's *in* that book. No one does. That's what makes it so mysterious!

Right, right, I'm getting off topic. You see, Mario was resting in the comfort of his bungalow that he so gracefully shares with his brother, Luigi. Mario was rather upset that he had spent so much of his time on a frivilous quest that had no real reward or fruition. Indeed, Mario yearned for another epic tale, much akin to his journeys to Rougeport and Flipside. Luigi, recovering from his own exhausting trek across the Mushroom Kingdom, had reluctantly returned to the cabin to cheer up his sullen brother.

Luigi paced back and forth in the kitchen, attempting to come up with a clever scheme to send Mario on some made up journey. He figured that if he could get his brother back on the trail of action, adventure, romance, and witty dialogue, he'd have his youthful, exuberant brother back. The only problem? There wasn't a single trace of evil! Bowser was busy nursing his wounds inflicted upon him from his last escapade with Mario. No inexplicable evil was rising out of millenia-old doors or out of parallel dimensions. In fact, the Mushroom Kingdom was simply... peaceful. Birds chirped, Cheep Cheep's... cheeped.

Luigi peeked his head through the door frame to peer at Mario. Mario was reclining in bed with a rather grumbly expression. Luigi thought to himself, if he doesn't get Mario out of bed and on the road, the bed may as well be Mario's new partner. As entertaining as it was to imagine Mario and his bed adventuring throughout the lands of the Kingdom, fighting off ne'er-do-wells with strength and ease, Luigi refocused his efforts on a brilliant idea. "What if... I create an adventure?" Luigi repeated this rather endearing thought several times to fully grasp just what it was he was suggesting.

"Of course!" Luigi shouted, stirring Mario in his grouchy slumber. "If I send Mario on some noble quest, I'm sure he'd spring right up! I'll just... fudge the story!"

With that, Mario crawled out of bed, shooting Luigi a dirty look for waking him up, though the difference between a grouchy and dirty expression is almost negligible. Luigi dashed over to his chubby brother and patted him on the back, engaging the two in dialogue.

"Hey bro! Rise and shine, it's probably an amazing day out there!"

Mario simply stared back at Luigi.

"I mean, I haven't been outside today, but I'm sure that if you venture out there, you should find... amazing things!"

Mario did not change his expression.

"Like the sun!"


"And... grass!"


Luigi quickly realized that the mini adventure out the front door was not going to be suitable at all for an adventure. He quickly formulated an ancient evil, hellbent on destroying the Mushroom Kingdom.

"Bro! There's a giant goomba outside the door! And it's going to... get Peach! Or something!"

Mario finally shifted expression and provided a quizzicle expression to replace it.

"Yeah bro, yeah, it, like... Is really big. Imagine one of the goombas that you normally stomp..."


"But... big! Bigger than Bowser!"

Mario's mustache twitched. Luigi knew he had finally pushed the 'adventure' button. Mario snatched his hammer lying against the bed and stormed out the door, ready for action. Luigi was immediately hit with a sudden realization; Mario would discover quickly enough that there was, in fact, *no* goombas, giant or normal otherwise, outside. Mario would then probably return to sulking, but first not without him whacking Luigi upside the head.

Luigi sprinted over to the window to observe his brother. Mario was confused, checking behind

bushes and under rocks for the so-called "giant goomba." Luigi started to get nervous when he

received a tap on his shoulder. His eyes widened, and when he turned around to face just what

had decided to greet him, his scream echoed across the Mushroom Kingdom, forcing Mario to quickly drop his game of hide-and-seek and return to his brother. Mario kicked open the door and nearly dropped his hammer at the spectacle before him. The bed he was sleeping him had gained sentience and was holding Luigi hostage!

"Maaaarrriioooo! Help! Your.. your bed's got me!"

The bed interjected.

"Well hello, hello, hello mister Mario! Finally up and about, are we?"

Mario readied his hammer for pouncing.

"Are you aware of how long your large figure has been crushing me? Days! Weeks! Months! I'm

talking years, you fat fool!"

Mario did not appreciate being called a fat fool.

"I mean, do you even realize how difficult it is to breathe with your body always crushing me? It's

absolutely ridiculous! You *used* to go on such long journeys that my sheets laid cold, but all that changed when you decided to play the role of lazy plumber! I mean, green Mario, can you

believe this guy?"

"i'm.. choking.."

"Absolutely ridiculous. Well, I say it's high time you get some punishment doled out, mister Mario!

I'll start by beating up your screamish brother, then I'll-"

The bed was cut off by Mario leaping off the ground and slamming his mallet into the bed's frame.

The bed drew back, dropping Luigi in the process. Mario then followed up with whacking the bed

with the butt of his hammer to stun it. The final move was an enormous slam with Mario's own two boots, shattering the bed into pieces.

"Ugh.. Thanks bro... Ow, he really got me good.."

Mario dropped the hammer and drew close to Luigi, helping him up. Luigi patted his overalls and

straightened his cap.

"Y'know Mario, despite your bed being some nightmarish creature, it had a point... You've s[pent too long resting when you should be going out having grand adventures saving princesses!"

Mario rubbed his head and withdrew into deep thought. Luigi scanned his brother's face, hoping for a sign of agreement. Instead, Mario started towards the door.

"Hey, bro, where are you going off to?"

Mario cracked open the door, then turned his head towards his brother.

"I'm going to the store to buy myself a new damn bed."